


The Hockey Bachelorette

by Chocolatecandy56



Series: The Hockey Bachelorette [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF, The Bachelorette (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-06 22:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18397910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolatecandy56/pseuds/Chocolatecandy56
Summary: Just like the TV show, drama ensues.  Will update weekly on Fridays starting next week if I can.(No promises) comment your votes on who gets added or dejected from the show. There's a twist, just like the one in Paradise. Kudos and comments help motivation!





	1. Sneak Peak

One hockey playing bad ass beautiful woman, 31 NHL players (28 are real) all single and ready to mingle. What happens when they’re all competing for one heck of a girl? Hockey dates, skating, fights, kisses, make-outs, arguments, chirps, sparkly suits and dresses, the fantasy suite all included in this rocky world of the Hockey Bachelorette


	2. Intro Videos

I am Henrik Lundqvist, famously known as a legendary Swedish goaltender for the New York Rangers. I could have been model or have my own line. Maybe someday, I am a huge model for goalies of all types, like an actual fashion model too. I’m classy and suave and I’m sure Maria will be able to help me fall in love again, to help pick up the pieces of my love life.

Carey Price:   
I may be a quiet, mysterious man, with his secrets. But I know I can use my goalie charm and ways all the way to Maria’s heart. It’s my goal to save her hockey heart.

P.K. Subban

I’m snazzy. I’m picturesque with a sweet side dish of being sassy. I believe with my style, (which I’m superior to all in) charm, and the best personality, I can win Maria’s hockey bound heart with my smooth and fast slap shot. Insert slap shot here

Tyler Seguin:

I know I’m a fan favorite, I should be, you see this? Real tattoos of a real good smelling man on real one hundred percent muscle. People say I’m a partier, but that’s all in the past, I’ve been heartbroken in the past, which does include hockey. This gives me an edge compared to all the other guys. With a darker, mysterious past, no one can resist me. Flaws and all. Me and Maria together will melt our hockey hearts filled with ice with an instant fire full of chemistry.

Marchand: I may be a little ball of hate on the ice, but my heart has lots of love for Maria. From what I’ve heard of her, I’ve already fallen for her, (kissy face)

Crosby: Why am I doing this, you ask? Well, uh I don’t know, Geno is the reason why I’m doing this, no not because of our failed bromance, but uh he wants to see me get out there you know? Can I redo this please? Why not? It’s embarrassing on my part. It’s precious? Whatever, all I hope is that certain guys won’t be on the show? They are? Fucking bullshit……….are they going to see this? Yes? Shit. I’m screwed.

Claude Giroux:

Maria, I would sing lullabies in Francias just for you. Je reve de vous. 

Tyler Johnson: Wait, there’s too many Tylers in this! How am I supposed to compete with the Tyler Seguin for her attention? She’s not going to remember me at all! Might as well quit…. I can’t? Well that sucks, wait you’re putting this on the tape? No delete it, I don’t want Maria to see my insecurities as a smaller guy. I am buff and fiesty though, always up for an adventure! (Smiles in the end, laughing as it cuts out)  
Ryan Nugent Hopkins: 

I feel like Connor McDavid should’ve been picked over me, he's the best player ever. It’s not about that? Who cares? Oh Maria picked me over him? Blushes Oh well, thank you? I feel flattered, everyone always picks him over anyone else. Yes I know it’s not about hockey since we’re all NHL players here but still………...Wait that’s all I get for the interview? Who’s going to see this, I hope not Conor? Wait he will see it? Groans I’m sorry Connor I didn’t meant, well maybe I did but but…….cuts him off

Taylor Hall: 

HOw come Eberle isn’t coming? Lee is coming in the Islanders spot? Why? Eberle is just as good as him? Well fine sure he has better stat, but that's not the point when it comes to reunions. Oh it’s not a reunion than what is it? Because the guys signed me up for it. Told me it was some NHL player reunion. Oh, it’s a tv show? For love? For who? I’m sorry, Maria sounds like a beautiful name, I hope I get to know her. I hope this doesn't get shown to her, I swear I’m polite, I’m Canadian after all. So now I know why the guys haven’t been getting on my case to get laid. Blushes embarrassingly

 

Yes, I am a goon, yes I’m almost an Enforcer. Yes I know the art of being an Enforcer is practically dead, but I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here for love, for a wife. I also really want to start a family, especially with Maria. Family is important, I have the same stances on life goals with Maria. People might see me, the rookie defenseman as an underdog but that's fine. I’ve always been the underdog and I thrive under it. You better watch out Maria, I’m falling hard and fast for you. winks

Tom Wilson

Yes. I am handsome. Yes, I have haters. I bet you watching this hates me right now. It’s not the ice, so I hope they will be less hate for me from the other guys. What no one really knows about me that, I’m a huge softie for lots of things. I love puppies and animals in general. I love cuddling up and just being free in relaxed positions in front of the fireplace. I also am not as dumb as you think, I’ve read lots of literature in my life, but the most notable one right now for me is Romeo and Juliet. It has violence, and death, which I enjoy, but also love, and forbidden affairs. Which is perfect to set the tone. I also like to write poetry. I am a pretty deep guy, which I can be uncomfortable with given my line of work and what I do on the ice. Yes I’ve done questionable hits, yes sometimes i haven’t regretted it, I especially enjoyed the ones on Reaves but that’s not the point. The point is I came here for love, love for an intellectual woman to have conversations with. Don’t mean to brag, but i am pretty sure my IQ is above everyone else’s here, unless Tavares is here but let’s not bring him into the conversation. 

This season on the Hockey Bachelorette:  
You think you’ve got a secret in the house? Not for long……

“What do you mean you told her? You’re my best fucking bro for life? What the hell man?”-

“What? She deserved to know you manwhore” 

You think you were friends, not for long,

“I didn’t expect to have to deal with you and the past,” 

“I didn’t either you son of a bitch,”  
Rivalries are just starting

“We were just, you know, introducing ourselves and-” 

“Guess who is in the house, I’m back Croz-” 

That and more coming up on the first season of The Hockey Bachelorette, watch your backs boys, you’ll need it

“What’s going on in here-”   
“What the fuck?”

 

“Holy shit, it’s a heavyweight battle between Tom Wilson and Tom Anderson!”

“Fuck you Marchand, you can’t treat a lady like that,”

“Serves you right, I was the one who got the puck anyway on the date, that’s how she likes her men, you’re barely in this contest, you’re just jealous”

“Clearly, some people are not on here for the right reasons”

“Did he just shove P.K. in the water?”

“Oh man, it’s a water fight, think they can hold their breath for a long time?”

“My bet is on Price, he’s a goalie, he knows how to defend himself”

“Man, Tyler J, just gave him a hell of a sucker punch, I’m surprised, but they’re both so small and fiesty,”

 

“I just wish someone would punch Brad fucking Marchand in the face soon”

“They’re all full of themselves here, while I still am not sure what the hell is going on

“Anders Lee is fighting someone? Let’s go see!”

“Why on earth would he fight? Who would he fight?”

Special guest appearances will come

“What the hell is he doing here?”

“How is he back?”

“How many two on one dates are there going to be?”

There will be heartbreak  
“I just thought what we had was real”

“How can I go on?”

“How can I move on? How can you expect me to move on?”

“What did I ever do wrong?”

“I did come here for the right reasons, you gotta believe me when I say that”

“Our chemistry isn’t going along as with some for the other guys, I’m sorry”

“We just didn’t click”

And don’t forget the shy and awkward players/rookies

I think I’m falling for her

“I can’t believe she wants to even acknowledge my existence when there are so many different and better guys, who only brings only a fucking rose for a first impression? You wouldn’t believe what Brad Marchand did on his, or what P.K Subban did, I'm nothing like that”


	3. First night: Introduction

(Outside of ice arena in parking lot, guys can pick vehicle of arrival of choice)

Maria gets to give out two first impression pucks

Brad Marchand:

“Oh wow, two guys? I thought they were supposed to come one by one…….” Maria looks at the tumbling guys coming out of a sleek black Mercedes Benz

“It’s just mine, bro helping bros, he'll be back for his but- (pretends to punch and KO Tyler Seguin out) I’ll punch out all the duches for you. I’ll be your protector and little ball of hate to reign in, because I will punch anyone you want, you just gotta tell me babe” Smirks, makes kissy face

Maria blushes.

“Oh wow, might as well have Tyler do his, he’s kinda hot right now, all knocked out and helping his bro.”

A mysterious voice is coming from nowhere, “not if I can help it”

“Jamie? What the fuck are you doing here?” Tyler says.

“I figured it out- it’s because of-huh?”

“Okay boys, Jamie, you can stay for this show, everyone I think i’m done with this group because Tyler is def a hottie and Jamie’s got those brown eyes and Marshy is firey” Maria says

 

Skipping over john Gibson and Nick Schmaltz

Rasmus Dahlin: (in a very modest charcoal grey Toyota Camry)  
Blonde hair all styled and slicked back, nervously clutching a rose, hands shaking

“I figure, I should be gentle man and give a rose. For you” Smiled nervously

“Wow, your smile is dazzling, it’s blowing me away,” Maria laughs and sways towards Rasmus to kiss him on the cheek. 

Rasmus blushes and exits into rink

 

Johnny Gaudreau: enters from sleek black convertible Mercedes

Has someone deliver a flaming stick and puck

Winks: your the fire in my flaming heart

 

Jordan Staal: smile is blazing, “uh hi?”

Maria goes in for the hug

“You’re a veteran NHL player, all you can think of is a uh hi?’

Both laughing.

“I tried, couldn’t think of anything should’ve just stolen Marc’s idea instead………”

“Aw, come here,” Maria kisses him on the cheek”

SKip Mackinnon

On the inside:

“You’re serious, how come she kisses Rasmus and Staal? She has a thing for blondies huh? Or awkward guys? And Nathan Mackinnon? You know Segs, we’re gonna have to do something crazy to get her attention, not that many pucks out there, we gotta make an impression somehow……….

Skip Tyler Bertuzzi, John Hayden

Seth Jones: In black shiny Lexus with white stripes on the sides walks out nervously, trips and falls and sticks clatter

“Guess I’m already falling for you, huh?”

“Decided I should give you a bouquet of hockey sticks, all different kinds and sizes and all flex sizes, I even got the entire team of mine to sign this special made Columbus one and I also am giving you the game used stick in the game 4 win against Tampa with my signature. Zach’s game 3 stick win against Tampa is also in here too.

“Aw, this is the cutest most attractive thing ever Seth! Come here” 

Hugs then starts slowly into single kiss

Both are wide eyed and breathless

“Woah, not expecting this, I thought you wouldn’t like me”

“I really like you Seth, in an attracted sort of way, you’re so hot and adorable, so, will you accept this first impression puck?”

Seth smiles, “Of course”

Meanwhile: 

Drew Doughty, James Reimer, and Jason Zucker in conversation with Segs and Marchy

“Yea, I tried to get my hands on her ass and she just punched me and I punched her back.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Reimer asks

“You can’t just do that, this is first impression, doubt it you’re moving on,” Zucker says.

“Nah we just laughed after the kick in the balls, single most attractive thing in my life,” Drew sighs.

“What happened after that?” Reimer asks.

“She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said ‘watch your back, mister LA King’” Drew explains

“Damn it, even this piece of shit of facial hair and teeth got a fucking kiss, what do I got to do?” Marchy says exasperated throwing his hands up in the air.

“You can slap her ass, she only yelled at me, about how awful my pick up line was,” Zucker suggested.

“That won’t be of any help, if I can’t even get my hands on that fine piece of ass, you won’t slap it, I bet you $1,000 she’ll be too fast for you,” Segs laughs jokeningly. 

“I’ll do it, tonight too,” Marchy says.

Segs shrugs, “It’s your funeral,”

In walks in Ryan Nugent-Hopkins

“Oh fucking a-......”

“Oh great, McDavid’s fuckboy”

“Least he’s not McDavid? Right guys? Guys? There’s PK looking smug huh wonder what that’s all about”

Earlier,

PK goes for the full make out session and a quick hand job from Maria. She even let him put his hands on her ass and rub his hands all over.

 

Currently outside of arena:

Price: Yea, I hope you can accept my puck, since it’s my goal to save every single one of yours, hopefully I’ll get a shutout with all your pucks that I will save-” he winks

Maria, Aw thanks, hug?”

She pushes him away before he can plant one on her,

“Na, na, I save the kisses on cheek for guys who deserve, or full on lip action if you’re Seth Jones,” (laughs)

“OH, well I’ll see you on the ice I guess,” Price says walking away

Maria shrugs, “gotta play with some of the guys hearts, I see something suspicious in his motives right now”

Carey walks in, head down in embarrassed

“What, did the great Price already get rejected? Who would wanna not get a piece of this action?” Subban gestures to his dick area

“I don’t want to talk about it, I’m probably going home soon anyway.”-Price

“What, did you already get kicked off the show for it? Wow Price didn’t know you had a fuckboy attitude and party animale in ya,” Subban jokes laughs with other boys

“Just wait til you hear the gossip already on what Marchand did,” Hopkins adds in

“Yea well, clearly Jones here is the favorite,” Price says.

Subban frowns, “What the hell do you mean by that? What happened?”

Jones steps up, “It was nothing, all I did was stumble lost all the sticks in the bouquet I gave her and she planted one one me, that’s it.”

Marchand perks up, “What the fuck man?”

Seth “ I didn’t initiate anything, I swear, that’s why I got the first impression puck.”

Marchand gets right in his face, “Well, you better fucking tell me everything then, welcome to the boys club.” he smiles and walks away with Jones with a devious smile on his face, clearly thinking up a plan.

“You see? I don’t have a chance PK, I should just give up.” Carey sighs.

“The Great Price Giving up? That’s a lot of bullshit” PK says

“Can you stop that? Look how many kisses and hugs she’s giving out,” Carey argues.

“Better than slapping her on the ass though,” Subban mutters.

“WHat the-?”

“Oh never mind, it’s nothing, but stay at least for the fun, you never know.” PK suggests.

“Fine then.” Carey agrees reluctantly.

By that time, Bobby Ryan is done and is wandering to find some drinks

Back to Marchand,

“So wait, you said that line, she kissed you, and you got one of the two available first impression pucks? Damn, you slay Jones.” Marchand exclaims.

“Figures, he had a way better idea with the bouquet of sticks, she’s a sucker for Columbus too, I stalked her Insta, see?” Segs shows them the phone.

“I guess, i was just myself though, least you guys didn’t pull shit like Doughty did,” Seth says.

“He’s such a dumbass, we’re not pulling that crap,” Marchand promises.

“Just stick with us and you’ll be good,” Segs says.

“Speaking of, what happened to your boy Jamie?” Marchand asks.

“We had a huge blow up argument and he went somewhere.” Segs explain.

“Oh, I bet, with me here, what, did he go mad cow disease on us?”

Segs frowns, “No don’t even fuck around with that idea,” he huffs then walks out of the lounge.

“Well, he won’t be here to hear the tips at the Maria pro, clearly she’s a sucker for puns and trippiness. We’ll give her a show she won’t forget.” Marchand writes Segs off.

“Wait, don’t put on a show, this isn’t some joke, we’re supposed to be here for love, well, I am anyway. I’m not sure about you and I don’t want to support you if you’re not. I’m done with this.” Seth walks out.

“Shit, I’m fucked unless he keeps his stupid mouth shut,” Marchand mutters to himself.

Meanwhile:

“So, I’m Taylor Hall, I have a thing for red minivans apparently and you must be Mar-a

“Maria, it’s Maria. I have a cousin who’s Mara though it gets things confusing.”

“So I don’t have anything but a uh- handshake?” Chuckles nervously, sweating through his shirt.

“How about a kiss on my hand like a true gentleman when he meets his princess, hockey princess then we can kick each others shins and grab each others parts? Take off that last part though.

“Okay, then,” Taylor says.

Taylor goes for Maria’s hand, who lets him kiss the hand then she flips him on his back, kicking his shins knocking him down and kisses him on the lips while grabbing his dick.

He starts getting a boner.

Taylor groans, “Oh please don’t make me go in now.”

“We’re running out of time, we’re not having a night skate anymore tonight so just jerk yourself off to this flash drive of mine.”

Maria pulls out her hockey highlights she kept from college and hands it to him.

Taylor hurries into the arena in a awkward run covering his dick.  
In the arena, 

“What the- Taylor?”

Everyone stops to look at Taylor and PK Subban stops him from going anywhere. 

“Someone’s got a boner right now, what’s that in your hand? Her porn? Give it here.”

Maria ks in, seeing this, she kicks PK in the balls, 

“It’s just my stupid college hockey highlights, only for Taylor’s eyes, and Seth eyes, no one else's unless I say so. I am trusting you guys don’t share these type of things unless I ask of it. I don’t care what you talk about me unless it’s sensitive or my past. You got it? Failure to do so will receive failure on the show immediate removal and something much worse than a kick in the balls in high heels.”

It’s silent for a while in the arena.

Outside, Maria calls her brother, 

“Hey Aus, sorry for bothering you so soon, I don’t know if i can carry this out, I can’t trust the guys and the one just-”

“Hey Mau, take a deep breath, I’m pretty sure the next guy has a sweet surprise for you.” 

“Huh?”

Henrik Lundqvist enters speeding in a flashy lightning cobalt blue convertible Lamborghini, spins and spirals and stops right in front. 

Exists with a hockey shaped puck heart cake with real roses in the shape of pucks on the edges.

He adjusts, puts cake on the side while adjusting his ranger colored fedora and pulls down his Gucci shades,

“Hop in sweetheart, your chariot awaits you. You’ll get a spin too,”

Maria’s jaw drops as King Henrik puts on a stylish golden crown with dazzling jewels and gives her the ride of her life. He even takes the car off a ramp and the fly through the air and then they land and swirl and a light show from the sharply stars and she drives and there’s a bottle of sparkling apple juice in the back of the car. He also sings A whole New world and Maria joins in as he drives them back to the arena. 

“Will you except the last first impression puck?”

“Of course, it'll be my honor, your highness,”

“Aw, thank you.” Maria goes in for the kiss and eventually full on make out sessions and it clearly gets shown on Lundqvist back at the arena when he enters. His entrance, the entire arena or Ice Hause they’re calling it now, stuns and quiets the entire place, with every guy’s jaws dropping.

 

Maria enters with her skates with the guards on them bringing the rest of the guys, apologizing profusely and immediately gives them all a puck before the ceremony.

This gives all the other guys without a puck vehemently angry. 

No time for arguing, the puck ceremony starts.

Everyone is on the ice with their gear and stick and their team’s jersey. Everyone is organized according to their position or out of the way if they already have a puck. 

All the guy’s eyes are eyeing the rest of the pucks left in the pyramid right next to Maria.

Maria is dressed in a short, tight, sparkly dress in multi color shimmers just like a diamond rainbow. 

“Brad”

Brad accepts the puck on his stick, “It’s my honor to accept this puck,” skates off

Interview: Holy fucking thank to god, I got the first fucking puck in the ceremony.”

PK interview: How the fuck did Marchand get the first puck? He punched a guy already on night one!”

“Rasmus Dahlin”

Rasmus accepts it in Swedish.

Interview: Surprised I got one early thought I was going home for sure (with English dubs on bottom)  
PK: What the hell, a fucking rookie this early?

“Jordan Staal”

The process continues:

“All Tylers,”

“Carey Price,”

PK: Fuck no, I’m leaving for sure now

“Ryan-NH”

“Drew Doughty”

PK: Seriously?

“Taylor Hall”

Interview: So relieved, thought I was going to get sent home, there’s still the problem of Segs and Brad though.”

The last puck

“PK”

Interview: Oh fuck I made it very last puck, gonna have to get her to trust me again

I’m sorry guys, says Gary Bettman, if you don’t have a puck, say your last goodbyes.

Goodbyes are short and quick and the rest of the gang shotguns a bottle of beer each except Seguin, he shotguns three in the same time frame as everyone else shotguns one

 

Next time, on the Hockey Bachelorette

 

We already have a fight!

Chirps get intense,

What, are you a faggot

What the duck are you doing?

You’re not here for the right reasons

Get off of this fucking show

Get out of my face

I’ll tell her

Let’s gang up on the favorites

Let’s be homewreckers and give these pusses a show they’ll never forget

And more!


End file.
